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market. He had such a smug look on his face that I

wouldn’t have taken it, but I didn’t have any that was ripe

that wasn’t eaten, so I did just this once.

August 27 - I got hit by the thievin’ no-good bandits

again. Why didn’t Noah throw them overboard when he

had a chance? I know why God put masks on the rottin’,

miserable, little critters. He wanted to hide their identities.

They dug under my fence this time. I unplugged it and

started filling in the holes. One of my kids didn’t know I

was out there, and saw the cord unplugged, and decided to

be helpful. I can tell you that the fence works. I had just

sprinkled my corn and, with the wet leaves all around me,

when I touched the wire I lit up like a Christmas tree

covered with Fourth Of July sparklers. I think I aged 10

years in an instant. One more episode like that and I’ll be

old enough to retire. I’m considering connecting my 400

amp welder to the wire and welding their thievin’ little

backsides to the fence.

August 28 - I fixed them this time. I put cinder

blocks all the way around my corn under the wire so they

can’t dig under. It cost a lot and took me from 6:00 in the

morning until midnight, and I lost 5 pounds in sweat, but I

guess I showed them a thing or two.

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