Page 17 - LIfesOuttakes1
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     even though I was still forced to use them at times.  As I finished up my     last job on Christmas Eve, just before midnight, I counted my change and     barely had five dollars.            I wanted her surprise to be something Christmasy, yet it needed to     be practical, so I hurried to a grocery store which closed at midnight.     When I was young, the only time I got oranges or nuts was at Christmas,     and I decided to buy some for her.  At ten cents a pound, I bought a forty     pound box of oranges, about five pounds of nuts, and had enough left over     for a candy bar.            I drove home with my surprise and left them in my pickup.  Our     small apartment had one bedroom that wouldn’t fit both a crib and a bed,     so we slept on a lumpy hide-a-bed in the living room.  When my wife     went into the bedroom with my daughter, I raced outside and hauled the     loot in and stuffed it in the coat closet.            About 2:00 in the morning, when my wife and daughter were     asleep, I snuck into the bedroom to retrieve one of my wife’s stockings.     Now, I must say that I grew up with almost all brothers, so I knew very     little about women or women’s things, so, in the dark, when I reached in     her drawer and pulled out a nylon, I figured it was as good a stocking as     any.  I stumbled my way back to the coat closet and started stuffing     oranges into it as fast as I could.  Every once in a while, I would reach into     it to see if it was getting full, but the level of oranges never seemed to rise.     At one point, my wife stirred, and I was sure she was waking, so I quickly     threw in my “I Love You Coupons”, which were 3X5 cards with things I     had written on them like, “One I Love You Coupon Good For Breakfast In     Bed” and things like that.  I also threw in the nuts and the candy bar.                                       12
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